A No-Win Situation

The clock is broken and it's been 3:20 (PM or AM, take your pick) for the past two months.

Listening to summer music in the wintertime just ruins you, makes you sadder than anything. Yet you still revel in it. 

Each morning you fight the tears and the breakdown; each night the boredom and solitude. Seeking diversion is a real necessity, yet a constant challenge.

It's a no-win situation.

Those who get the things they want always want the most idiotic things. Yet those who sincerely know what they want never get any of it.... or if they come close, they are so foolish they don't grab it when it's in their midst and allow it to slip away.

The beautiful take everything for granted; while the ugly feel freakish no matter what the occasion. Brief moments of attractiveness just make them feel guilty and odd, yet their usual shabby ostrocity make them feel like ending it all in shame.

Those who have the money don't know how to spend it; while the consistently struggling know EXACLY what they'd do with it. 

Yet once it's in their grasp, they panic and fuck it all up.

You ache for a lover, yet really the aching becomes you... because once you get one, you panic and fuck that up, too. You never know quite how to behave.

Suffering becomes your style after awhile. We've all seen those at the party who never drink, are always melancholy, suddenly become giddy and animated, and seem instantly bizarre. While those who are always chipper and up become blue suddenly have  everyone so deeply concerned. 

You must be addicted to the blues. Happiness is so abstract; wanting so familiar, that it becomes who you are.